CONSPIRACY THEORY
Right now, my bedsheets smell like freaking ass, because the stupid dryers in the basement didn't dry them fully. This pisses me off, because it forces me to spend another dollar out of my already-depleted flex-dollar account, meaning that another dollar which I would have happily spent on smoothies, subway, chik-fil-a, or stromboli's pizza will now have to go towards drying my sheets for a second time, because the inept dryers are incapable of doing their jobs right the first time.
In my opinion, this is all part of a massive conspiracy by SMU. I believe that SMU rigs their dryers to not dry fully, so that they can suck every last dollar out of the pockets of the unsuspecting students. SMU then takes this money, and launders it through it's webring of crack/cocaine dealers, who then spread out all over the country selling drugs for a profit and then giving all this money back to SMU in the form of "donations" and then have park benches named after them, leaving no evidence whatsoever. It's brilliant.
Also, there's the fact that in my dorm of over 380 students, SMU only provides 5 washing machines for the entire dorm. While it may seem mundane at first, this is actually key to SMU's conspiracy of world domination. You see, by providing only 5 machines, SMU forces each student to fight every other student over washing machine privelidges. In this Darwinian style of competition, each student is forced to eliminate their competition using superior mental and physical talent. With all of the "weaker" students gone, SMU will contain only the finest and most superior mental and physically honed students, and will thrust them instantly to the top of the upper echelon of Universities worldwide.
With its highly developed superhuman student body, SMU students will be sought by every major company to serve as board members, and every nation around the world will want only SMU-educated students to serve as their leaders and members of parliament. By weaving its alumni into an intricate web over all of the world's most powerful nations and financial corporations, SMU will be posed to completely take over the world, and control every aspect of our lives.
So, every time you try to do laundry, and there are no machines available, or you drag your clothes out of the dryer, and they're only HALF dry, I want you to think about why this is, and who's behind it. If you value your freedom, and all laundry that is clean and good-smelling, then you'll wash your clothes elsewhere!!
VIVA LA RESISTANCE!
tunes: Lights by Journey
feeling: tired again
In my opinion, this is all part of a massive conspiracy by SMU. I believe that SMU rigs their dryers to not dry fully, so that they can suck every last dollar out of the pockets of the unsuspecting students. SMU then takes this money, and launders it through it's webring of crack/cocaine dealers, who then spread out all over the country selling drugs for a profit and then giving all this money back to SMU in the form of "donations" and then have park benches named after them, leaving no evidence whatsoever. It's brilliant.
Also, there's the fact that in my dorm of over 380 students, SMU only provides 5 washing machines for the entire dorm. While it may seem mundane at first, this is actually key to SMU's conspiracy of world domination. You see, by providing only 5 machines, SMU forces each student to fight every other student over washing machine privelidges. In this Darwinian style of competition, each student is forced to eliminate their competition using superior mental and physical talent. With all of the "weaker" students gone, SMU will contain only the finest and most superior mental and physically honed students, and will thrust them instantly to the top of the upper echelon of Universities worldwide.
With its highly developed superhuman student body, SMU students will be sought by every major company to serve as board members, and every nation around the world will want only SMU-educated students to serve as their leaders and members of parliament. By weaving its alumni into an intricate web over all of the world's most powerful nations and financial corporations, SMU will be posed to completely take over the world, and control every aspect of our lives.
So, every time you try to do laundry, and there are no machines available, or you drag your clothes out of the dryer, and they're only HALF dry, I want you to think about why this is, and who's behind it. If you value your freedom, and all laundry that is clean and good-smelling, then you'll wash your clothes elsewhere!!
VIVA LA RESISTANCE!
tunes: Lights by Journey
feeling: tired again
posted by Chris at 11:06 PM
4 Comments:
you're insane. INSANELY HILARIOUS. HAHAHAHAHHAHA
I think there is some merit to your theory, but Carleton does the same thing, they must be in league together...
geez its like a whole essay within why dryers everywhere except for home dont dry your sheets until the 2nd time. its not only at your dorm.. they do that at hotels too..
you can always hang your sheets up and put a fan on them
that sick man, but hey...
do do do do do do
im lovin' it!
just eat some chicken SHelects
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