Ode to Ducks

Uh oh... bust out the party hats, it's time for Chris to be a whiny biyatch again!!


Ever since moving into my new dorm, I've been pretty happy. They halls are quiet for the most part, I have my privacy, and the people are nice. Yes, it's been sweet. Except for one thing...

I live next to a guy who, when I first met him, seemed pretty cool. He was a fratboy, but the first impression he gave me let me overlook that little fact. Anyways, about two weeks into the semester, I awoke suddenly in the night. Loud, squeaky noises had filled my room. Now at first, me, being unaccostomed to the sounds of human college-student fornication, was confused as to what could be causing such a ruckus. Was there a family of mice living in the walls? Or maybe even someone writing on a chalkboard with new chalk? Nah, it couldn't be... BECAUSE NEITHER CHALKBOARDS NOR MICE MOAN AND GROAN!!! So I struck me that either my neighbors were jumping on their bed, or just plain DOING THE NASTY.

Now, apparently, getting down and dirty is no special occasion for my neighbors, unless that is, they consider every other day to be special. I mean seriously, i'm glad you guys are all for celebrating your love and all, but geez, every think of maybe GOING OUT TO DINNER OR SOMETHING? Last week, I swear, I think I heard porno music in there!

Also, there's lies the interesting fact that his girlfriend is in half of my classes. Every time they do it like they do on the discovery channel, the next day she always comes into class late, tired, and in dressed in her PJ's... so i'm always thinking "hmm I wonder what YOU were doing last night......"

If they don't stop their copious-copulation soon, maybe I should set up a webcam and start a porno site, so at least some good can come from their exSEXive noise and my lack of sleep. Then I can become a porn mogul, and quit school forever!