barf
I've been in kind of a funk as of late. I'm normally not one to write about my feelings and all that junk on here, but I think this is something most people go through so I might as well write about it. I'll try to keep this as un-diluted with emo crap as possible.
Lately I've come to realize that I'm a completely different person that I was a year ago. Last year, I think I was a pretty angry kid. I was so pissed off by everyone at SMU that I didn't really look for the good. Coming to UT has actually made my life a lot more complicated, with me already being a semester behind, and classes that are so hard that I find myself antagonizing every teacher, TA, and pimple faced kid who's smarter than me in the ENS (Engineering Science Building for you liberal arts majors out there). Last year I was so pissed off by my jackass roommate and everybody else at SMU that I became hypermotivated to work my ass of and transfer out of there. Now that I'm at UT, there's no motivation to do anything... at all. Sure, I'm making decent grades and all that junk, but I can't help but feel like I'm just drifting through what are supposed to be the best years of my life - my last chance to enjoy irresponsibility, where mistakes are not only accepted, but expected. Too many times I find myself missing the simpleness of childhood, where all I had to worry about was who's house we'd play playstation at after school as opposed to now having to worry about writing a program in C++ using abstract data types to create a number capable of representing integers greater that 10^50, due at 11:59:59 PM. Or even high school, whose structure at least allowed me to drift through life within the boundaries of establishment. Not that I don't care about playstation anymore, though, because I do. I still am really glad to be at UT instead of anywhere else, and I love the school and all my friends here and all, but man, I really need to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think Austin is too liberal. Austin is great and all, but I think its actually driven me to be more conservative. I was probably so excited to get out of ultra right-winged SMU/Highland Park that I associated myself with every tree hugger in Austin. I think the only reason I considered myself a liberal in the first place was because of my blind hatred for W. I don't think I believe in political sides anymore. I'm getting kind of sick of people calling each other un-democratic or un-republican just because they don't agree on every single issue that comes up. Take me for example, I HATE our current foreign policy, and hate the way we treat other countries, yet I still support our troops. I'm pro choice, yet still believe in traditional and cultural values like how women shouldn't walk around half naked. I hate both rednecks AND hippies. So what am I? Hell if I know. I guess thats what comes out of living in the most conservative land on Earth, yet going to school in the most liberal city in the state.
And its 2:39 AM right now, so I'd probably be getting to bed. So much for me getting up for my 8 o'clock class tomorrow.
Oh yeah, and my blog turns one tomorrow, so for the next week or so I'll be posting some of my favorite posts that I've written, "prepschool classics" if you will :)
Lately I've come to realize that I'm a completely different person that I was a year ago. Last year, I think I was a pretty angry kid. I was so pissed off by everyone at SMU that I didn't really look for the good. Coming to UT has actually made my life a lot more complicated, with me already being a semester behind, and classes that are so hard that I find myself antagonizing every teacher, TA, and pimple faced kid who's smarter than me in the ENS (Engineering Science Building for you liberal arts majors out there). Last year I was so pissed off by my jackass roommate and everybody else at SMU that I became hypermotivated to work my ass of and transfer out of there. Now that I'm at UT, there's no motivation to do anything... at all. Sure, I'm making decent grades and all that junk, but I can't help but feel like I'm just drifting through what are supposed to be the best years of my life - my last chance to enjoy irresponsibility, where mistakes are not only accepted, but expected. Too many times I find myself missing the simpleness of childhood, where all I had to worry about was who's house we'd play playstation at after school as opposed to now having to worry about writing a program in C++ using abstract data types to create a number capable of representing integers greater that 10^50, due at 11:59:59 PM. Or even high school, whose structure at least allowed me to drift through life within the boundaries of establishment. Not that I don't care about playstation anymore, though, because I do. I still am really glad to be at UT instead of anywhere else, and I love the school and all my friends here and all, but man, I really need to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think Austin is too liberal. Austin is great and all, but I think its actually driven me to be more conservative. I was probably so excited to get out of ultra right-winged SMU/Highland Park that I associated myself with every tree hugger in Austin. I think the only reason I considered myself a liberal in the first place was because of my blind hatred for W. I don't think I believe in political sides anymore. I'm getting kind of sick of people calling each other un-democratic or un-republican just because they don't agree on every single issue that comes up. Take me for example, I HATE our current foreign policy, and hate the way we treat other countries, yet I still support our troops. I'm pro choice, yet still believe in traditional and cultural values like how women shouldn't walk around half naked. I hate both rednecks AND hippies. So what am I? Hell if I know. I guess thats what comes out of living in the most conservative land on Earth, yet going to school in the most liberal city in the state.
And its 2:39 AM right now, so I'd probably be getting to bed. So much for me getting up for my 8 o'clock class tomorrow.
Oh yeah, and my blog turns one tomorrow, so for the next week or so I'll be posting some of my favorite posts that I've written, "prepschool classics" if you will :)
posted by Chris at 1:39 AM
1 Comments:
Chris, unfortunately, by choosing engineering we choose to throw our chance at a couple of care free years at university straight out the window. Sure we can still have fun and stuff when we are not worrying about the programming assignment due at 11:59:59 PM (the EXACT same time mine are due) but we chose this path for ourselves. Look at it this way, when we graduate we will have the will to actually sit down and get work done. When you have a real job you can't write an essay the night like so many arts majours get away with. They will be hooped in the real world, not us.
As for the whole politics thing you’re completely correct. That is why the American system is so greatly flawed; there are only two choices: Pepsi or Coke. People claim they are different, they put on a different face and public image but when you really get down to it they are both just a cola. The Canadian system is better as we have four (some argue five) main political parties. But still, even with the added choices, there is not one party that completely encompasses what I believe in. Politics is far to complex to be represented by left and right, those terms were created for the French Revolution, I think they are a little outdated.
Post a Comment
<< Home