In Loving Memory

My Grandma died yesterday evening around 1 AM. Since I won’t be able to give a speech at her funeral, I figure I would give one on here.


I’ve only really dealt with death once before, at the passing of my Grandpa, God Rest his soul. You died on November 21st, 2005, one day before it would have been exactly ten years after he did.

When I was a kid, we used to visit the Philippines all the time, and I know seeing us made her happy. Marrying into a family, I know my Grandma did not always receive the respect she deserved from her adopted siblings. She cared for them as if they were her own, yet the only one who truly loved her was my mom, her only child. And through my mom, she came to love us, Oliver, Chris, Angelica, and Michael, her only grandchildren. Although we lived so far away, she loved us with all her heart, knowing we were destined to succeed in life. She was sick, but she lived vicariously through us and us alone, living solely for the day she could see us for the last time, all grown up and strong, so that she could be laid to rest in eternal peace, knowing that we were all well on our way towards growing into the individuals she believed we could each be. But it was not meant to happen.

You died on a Monday, you felt God calling to you and you did not fight it. You lay on the couch, and told Auntie Reggie that you wished my mom would call at that exact moment, and you wished you would have gotten to see us for the last time when we came to visit this Christmas. The last time I saw you was five years ago, and for that I am sorry. There are so many things which could have been said, so many things which should have been done, but I took you for granted, and they can never be done again. I could go into all sorts of stories, remembering how you were the sweetest old lady I ever knew, memories of how happy you made me and all of those around you, but I believe stories like these are best kept where they started: both in your heart and mine alone.

So from the depths of cyberspace comes this one prayer, a prayer that you are in a better place and are happy, with Grandpa and those you love. A prayer, that you knew how much we loved you and how much you will be missed. A prayer, that through me, you will continue to live on vicariously forever. A prayer for me, that I can be strong, and continue to make you proud.

Burnout

The last few weeks have been pure academic hell. Tests, programs, quizzes, presentations, enough to make even the most addictive of workaholics piss his pants.

After an experience like this, I have come to only one conclusion about UT. That it does not give a crap about its students. Being here, you feel like the school treats your more like a number than a young, growing mind, and that they only care about two things: taking your money, and improving their reputation. I mean, the EE department is the only department which doesn't have faculty advisors for each student, and they seem to be proud of the fact!

Then again, maybe its different for each department. The philosophy of the EE department seems to be to admit tons of aspiring EE students and later "weeding them out" (aka crushing their dreams, and therefore turning them from plain old nerds to nerds with suicidal tendencies)with insane workloads and fast paced, unnecessarily difficult classes. A friend of mine who's part of the brand new, sparkling biomedical engineering department speaks of lush lands filled with TAs who aren't worthless, real faculty advisors, and most importantly, ESTROGEN!

Anyways, I guess I'm just getting what I paid for. At SMU, for $20000 more, I actually felt like I was a student, being guided towards a career path. But the people more than made up for that. Here, its the exact opposite, but through the effing bureaucracy of it all, I still freaking love this place.

SIDE NOTE: I was too busy to write anything recently, but belated EID MUBARAK to everyone out there!